Gail

oh yeah, at the urging of my therapist i sent Gail an email letting her know that I was hurt that she blabbed to the office about me being gay. It was all said in the nicest way, non-accusatory, I feel like this.... kind of psychobabble speak. Anyway, she sends me an email back completely deflecting it all onto barbara's bad behavior and not acknowledging or apologizing in any way for her own role in betraying a confidence. Was actually exactly what i expected to happen, but I let her know how i feel and now it's not "mine" anymore. Life goes on.

Pride Expo

Barb and I had a great time in the city on Saturday. We took the train in and spent a few hours at the Expo, saw everything there was to see there. It was a lot of fun, although primarily aimed at gay men. Then we took a cab to the village and wandered around looking in the shops, I got Sandy a fairy figurine from a magick shop for her birthday. Then we had dinner at Vittorio's (fantastic italian) and went home. We really had a fun day together.

Sunday was all about housework. The realtor came by and we signed the listing agreement. We're going to get a cleaner in this week sometime and then he'll start showing the house. Possible open house on March 12/13. Hope we find a buyer quickly.

Bagels & Bible study

I'm going this morning to a bible study group at the church. Fr. Ron suggested it to me as a good Lenten activity that I could do. He said it would be a good opportunity for me to meet the other gays in the parish too. Apparently a lot of them go. I'm trying to figure out how my christianity fits with my homosexuality. It will be good to meet other people who make that work.

Other than the bible study group, today is "paint the new doors" day. Richard bought all new interior doors to replace the old 70s panelled wood doors. We've done 4 of them already and you just wouldn't believe the difference it makes! The new ones are the white kind with the decorative panels and they have brass lever knobs. niiiiice. They're cheap if you buy them as "blanks", so Richard got them and cut the doorknob holes and mortised the hinges. it's my job to have them painted white so he can hang them when he gets back. They are a super pain in the butt to paint so Barbara is coming over to help today. I'll need to get extra rollers/brushes before she comes over.

Tomorrow night some of the girls are coming over to watch the L Word on showtime. it should be fun. I'm off on Monday and so are the kids. I told Richard I was going to invite people over for it and he was cool with it. He won't be here anyway I guess.

Monday I'm going to Philly to visit Sheila. I think we need to talk face to face. She's dealing with an issue with her step-daughter, the one who is about Ian's age. I promised I wouldn't tell anyone what's going on, but she's freaking out a little bit and I'm hoping I can get her to calm down a little. It's nothing that she didn't do herself at that age. I think that's what is freakin her though, because she can see those choices in hindsight.

Next Saturday I'm going to the pride expo in NYC with Barbara. We're going to take the train in, see the Expo and then have dinner in the Village. I'm looking forward to a NY outing... Get it? outing? BWAH i kill myself. Anyway, I have no idea what a pride Expo is about. She says there are booths and stuff and musical performances. Sounds like a county fair without the livestock to me.

sheila

I talked to sheila last night. I was wondering what was up b/c she usually calls every couple weeks and i hadn't heard from her since i came out back in december. Well, it turns out she is having some trouble dealing with it. Since her initial reaction, though, was to offer support, I am hoping that with some time she'll work through it and we can still be best friends. I really hope that is how it happens. Can't really imagine not having sheila as a very good friend.

My therapist says I need to tell Gail that she hurt me by outting me to the old office and tell her that she betrayed my confidence in doing that. I'm hurt by it, but I'm not sure its worth it to make a thing out of it. The worst is knowing that they're all stood around gossiping about me in the office. I hate knowing that, but its not going to change just because I tell Gail she shouldn't have outted me. I don't know. Opinions?

Richard is going to england and then helsinki tomorrow. he'll be gone for about 10 days. He needs to sign the listing agreement before he goes. Give me strength to force that issue.

My first kick in the gut reaction

Friday night I went to Gail's margarita party. Gail apparently shared with the office everything that's going on with me. So, I show up at her party unaware that everyone there knows I'm gay, which was a little disconcerting in the first place and then Barbara, who I had been quite good friends with, is obviously having serious issues about it all. She's probably the most conservative person I know - more so even than Sheila - so I would have expected there to be some issues with her. What I didn't expect was the acid tongue and coldness. She wouldn't sit or stand near me, wouldn't touch me, only spoke to me to say how depraved she thought it all was. This is a woman I ate lunch with everyday for 3 years, bought girl scout cookies from each other, chatted and laughed and commisserated with. It was like getting kicked in the gut. I guess I need to get a thicker skin about it as I'm sure it won't be the last time something like that happens, in fact, as my gf pointed out, I've been real lucky it hasn't happened sooner and more often. I stayed for the whole party even though she continued with the nasty comments and I just ignored them. Everyone else was being so nice and after awhile they ignored her comments too. I maybe should have left the party, but I wanted to see my friends and spend some time with them. Should I have left because one person was being bitchy to me? I don't know. Overall I had a nice time.